Black And White
by Lethe Laguz
Summary: While waiting in Lana’s office one day, Ema experiences an encounter that turns her world upside down. My take on SL9. Spoilers for case 5 of AA.


**Title:** Black and White

**Characters:** Ema, Neil, Joe Darke, and mentions of other SL-9 characters

**Pairings:** N/A

**Summary:** While waiting in Lana's office one day, Ema experiences an encounter that turns her world upside down.

**Warnings:** Spoilers for case 1-5

**Disclaimer:** If I owned PW, there would be a lot more subtext and not-so-subtext between Edgeworth and Lana. Because I have the weirdest taste in pairings ever.

**Author's Notes:** Sheesh it's been forever since I've written anything. I think this turned out okay though. Comments of any sort are appreciated. And I might as well get this over with now: OHGODEMAI'MSOSORRYISTILLLOVEYOU TT ….ahem

**EDIT: **Okay, thanks to the help of the wonderful Zetto-san, I've completely revised this fic. It's now a first-person narrative through dialogue, and I think that this version uncovers Ema's character and emotions much better than the last. Any comments are, of course, still muchly appreciated

------------- 

"It's funny…When I woke up that morning, I had no idea the day would turn out like it did. I probably had a normal morning…I probably was wishing that something exciting would happen to me, that I could work on big, exciting cases like Lana." She smiled wryly. "I guess in a way, I got my wish. Except it turned out far more awful than I could ever have dreamed." She could have sworn the dog's ears perked up as it looked at her inquisitively. Then again, this dog always looked inquisitive, with its wide black eyes.

"I was sitting at my sister's desk. I was probably pretty bored, since I was just sitting there, but Lana's office was so interesting that I could have spent all day just staring at it. It always makes me feel so small, since the ceiling is so high, but what happened that day showed me how small I really am. How helpless I can be.

"I wanted to play that organ…I always want to play it when I sit in that room. It looks so large and powerful, like if I played even a little tune on that organ I'd become large and powerful too. My sister was working on an up-coming trial, so I was waiting for her. I used to wait for her a lot, but I didn't mind." Ema's back straightened with pride as she thought about her sister. She ran a hand through the thick waves of the golden retriever's fur as she continued.

"Lana is amazing. She's powerful…I bet if it had been her in that office instead of me, she wouldn't have needed somebody to come in and save her. I bet she would have been brave, because she's always brave. But she's nice, too. It's like she has this glow around her when she smiles, and if you look carefully at the eyes of whoever she's smiling at, they glow a little, too. Lana always had plenty of glow to spare." Ema sat in silence for a few seconds. As happy as she had been that her sister's burden had been lifted, she couldn't help but think about her sister sitting in a prison cell on the other side of the ocean. Ema picked up the picture that Lana had given her, the one of them smiling in front of the police station, and smiled a little as she continued, talking to the picture as much as she was talking to the dog. The dog was a calm and patient dog, sitting and watching her quietly.

"That office…It was very colorful. There are these huge stained-glass windows the full height of the room, and when the sun hits them it sends fragments of colors dancing throughout the room. It's silly, but I spent a lot of the time while I was waiting just staring at those colors, reaching out like I could touch the light with my fingers." A dreamy smile lingered on her face. The dog was getting a little restless, but Ema petted it, desperate to keep her companion near her so she could finish telling her story. This story had been locked away in her mind for over two years, and she needed to relieve her burden, just like Lana had. She wanted to be able to move on with her life.

"Soon after that, a storm started. It was really sudden…I didn't notice it until a clap of thunder made me jump. I remember that the colors went away after that, just disappeared and left only greys behind. I'm kind of stupid, so I just sat there for a little while with my finger still outstretched, trying to touch something that wasn't there, that was never there in the first place."

Ema sat still for a second, looking down, not sure how to continue. Her voice started choking up, the words not falling out of her mouth the way they had been only moments ago. This next part was hard to talk about. She'd been trying to push it out of her mind for so long. But she knew that she needed to move on and become strong, and if she couldn't get this story out then she couldn't move on with her life.

"The door…The door opened. Well, it didn't just open. It nearly crashed out of its hinges. And…there was a man in the doorway. I could tell…just by looking at him, I could tell that he was insane. His eyes were bloodshot and wide. His skin was colorless, he was gasping for breath, sweat was pouring down him. I thought he was a ghost. Usually, when I think I see a ghost, I slap it…" She forces a shaky smile as memories of a certain detective flash into her mind. "But this was different. I…I couldn't even move. Usually, if someone comes into Lana's office while I'm there, I greet them and ask them if I can help them with something…But I couldn't find my voice. I just stood there, quaking, wishing I could disappear. The man was desperately scanning the room, and all of a sudden he looked straight at me…and he smiled, a bone-shivering smile that rooted me to the spot. I suddenly couldn't stand to look at his face. So I averted my gaze…and that's when I noticed something else.

"The man was holding a knife."

Silence ensued as the horrible memory played out in her mind, rooting her to the spot just as she had been that day. The dog prodded her with a wet nose. She clung to the picture of her and Lana as she bit her lip and continued.

"The man lunged at me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move…I couldn't do anything. I wanted to save myself, I wanted to get out, I wanted to do anything, but I couldn't. I-I…I was just worthless. And maybe, if I'd been able to defend myself, if I'd _done _something, what happened later wouldn't have—"

Ema forced back the fog that was pervading her eyes, but a little sob escaped her throat anyway. "I can still feel that man's hand on my throat. I can still feel his gasping breath on my skin. Those things haunt my dreams every night. That awful man is dead now, but I can still feel him, haunting me and trying to kill the last witness that he was never able to get rid of.

"I remember that in those awful few seconds where time stood still, where I was about to die, I was thinking about Lana. I was wishing she could be there, to save me, because I was too weak to save myself. And then I was hoping that she was anywhere else, anywhere but there, because she was my sister and I loved her and I didn't want her to ever have to meet this awful man. I wanted to be able to save myself. I wanted to be a hero.

"And I almost…died…because I couldn't.

"That's when footsteps came running down the hall, and Mr. Marshall appeared in the doorway. He was gasping for breath and covered in sweat, just like Joe Darke, but he wasn't the insane kidnapper, he was the hero, come to save me, looking as much like a courageous, heroic cowboy as I didn't. And he wasn't stupid like me. He wasn't weak. He came running to save me, to get rid of the evil man that had me in his clutches so that he couldn't hurt anyone ever again. Mr. Marshall did everything that I couldn't do.

"The lights went out.

"I couldn't see what was happening…I couldn't protect myself, or Mr. Marshall, because I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. The room was pitch black. I wanted the colors to come back, the little colored lights dancing around, because somehow I thought that if I had those little colored lights I could finally do something, could finally move, could finally be a hero. It was ridiculous, really. I was just a weak, helpless little girl, clinging to whatever I could think of."

The dog's growing impatience reminded Ema that she was rambling, was avoiding what happened next, because what happened next was too scary to talk about. '_But…I have to be strong…'_

"Joe Darke…He and Mr. Marshall were fighting. Mr. Marshall was trying to lead Darke to the other side of the room. I couldn't see, but I could tell, because the sounds of their fighting were becoming muffled. I tried to gather my strength and managed to move my shaking legs a bit. And right then…

"Lightning flashed.

"The entire room was shadows. It was like the whole world was just black and white. Good and evil. No colors, no in-betweens, just pitch-black shadows, an evil man, a hero, and a scared little girl.

"But...most importantly…Right in that instant, I saw a man holding up a knife. And he…was about to plunge it in the other man's back." A hot tear rolled down her cheek. "I thought….at the time, that Joe Darke was about to kill Mr. Marshall.

"I thought Mr. Marshall was going to die.

"And I finally moved. I finally managed to do something. And what I finally did…turned out to be all wrong.

"I plunged into the shadows. I ran across the room and tackled the man raising the knife. And scientifically speaking, if you tackle a man…he falls over. And that is what Mr. Marshall did.

"Because the man I pushed wasn't Joe Darke. The man I pushed wasn't about to kill someone I care about. I was trying to be a hero, was trying to be a strong woman instead of the helpless, weak little girl that I was…And all I did was push over the man who was trying to rescue me."

The photo was clutched to her chest now. Hair obscured her face and she was curled up into a ball, trembling and crying and trying to be strong while she talked about the moment where she was the most weak. The dog had its flank pressed against her, and she tried to use it as a pillar as she found the words to continue.

"I fainted after that. My head was dizzy and racing, colors were swirling in my mind, and then all at once it just ended, turned to black, as if the world had just died out. I woke up in a hospital bed, crying into a pillow, but I heard from Mr. Wright what happened after that." She swallowed.

"A man walked in and killed Mr. Marshall."

A fresh wave of tears threatened. Ema grabbed a nearby pillow, burying her face in it and trying to make herself as small as possible. Her next sentences came out in muffled sobs. "Mr. Marshall had it all under control, everything. If I hadn't been there for him to try to save, he wouldn't have died. If I hadn't tried to save myself in the pathetic way that I did, he would have defeated Darke and he wouldn't have died. If I hadn't been born, he wouldn't have died. So…

"I wish I hadn't been born."

She didn't say anything for a long while after that. Everything that had been her fault raced through her mind—Lana's locking herself up inside, that awful Gant gaining control, Edgeworth's career ruined and his suicide, Jake Marshall's arrest…Everything was her fault, and it was all because she was weak. But.

But.

That was all in the past. It was awful, but it was all in the past. She had been a weak, helpless little girl, and everything was her fault, but it was over, and she couldn't go back and stop it. If she rewound the clock, if she did it all over, she still would be a weak little girl, and it all would have happened all over again.

Life doesn't end with the closing of a case. Everybody has to live on with the rest of their memories. But even if they still have those memories, they can still live on. Ema will become a great scientific investigator. She will get criminals locked up, and she will make the world a better and safer place. Her debt of all of the horrible things she has caused will be repaid. And someday, she'll see her sister again, out of jail, happy, rebuilding her life, and Ema will rebuild her life to right next to Lana.

The dog rests its head on her lap and falls asleep.

And all at once, the colors return.


End file.
